Crying before breakfast, fights with siblings, tantrums, and isolation; whenever we see these signs, we tell ourselves, “It’s probably just a phase”. Sometimes, yes. But, sometimes, persistence of such behaviours can be a sign of concern. A child acting out in public or at home can have a huge impact on both the child and the parent. More so, when we don’t know how to respond to the behaviour and to make it better for our children. Of course there will be questions and doubts throughout this journey but understanding these early signs can help us work on the next steps, so that we create a space for children to grow exactly as they are.
So, what’s “normal”?
Developmentally, it is appropriate for toddlers to throw tantrums, to cry when not letting them watch TV or for playschoolers to struggle with sharing. These behaviours are part of learning boundaries, testing independence, and figuring out their place in the world. Many behaviours are situational or temporary for example, your three year old child might cry when they cannot see you in front of them. A six year old might act out after changing homes. Or, a thirteen year old might not want to come and sit with their relatives. These behaviours are “normal”, we see them very commonly in children of these ages. The important thing to note is the frequency and duration- asking yourself “how often does the behaviour occur?” and “how intense it is”. A phase should pass, but persistent patterns might need a closer look.
What to Look Out For?
| Age Group | Behavioural Red Flags |
| 0-12 months | – Lack of eye contact – No social smile – Rarely responds to voices – No preference for familiar people |
| 1-2 years | – Doesn’t initiate actions or gestures – No interest in playing with toys or people – Intense, inconsolable tantrums – Minimal communication (verbal or gestures) |
| 3-4 years | – Doesn’t engage in pretend play – Aggressive or withdrawn – Doesn’t interact with peers – Difficulty understanding basic emotions |
| 5-6 years | – Frequent, intense outbursts – Persistent trouble following instructions – Defiant or opposition |
| 7-9 years | – Trouble making friends – Excessive fears or anxiety – Easily frustrated – Trouble sitting still |
| 10-12 years | – Low self esteem – Refusal to attend school – Persistent mood swings – Risk-taking, lying or secretive behaviour |
These are some common signs across behavioural, cognitive, and social domains. It is crucial to remember though- it is not about a single incident, but about patterns and intensity and if these behaviours are interfering with any daily tasks. Sometimes, these behavioural patterns are not visible as it is, sometimes they can show up as physical symptoms like frequent headaches, stomachaches, or physical complaints without any medical explanation.
When to Seek Help?
With all this information, now, how do we decide whether it is time to reach out to a professional or get help? The easiest way is to use the “3 I’s”- a simple rule of thumb.
Intensity
Ask yourself- Is the behaviour extreme or is it usual for your child?
Interference
Is the behaviour interfering with your child’s day-to-day activities like going to school, doing
their homework, or maintaining friendships?
Interval
How long did the behaviour last for? Was it several hours, day, weeks, or months?
If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes’, it is okay to seek help. Early intervention doesn’t mean there is a problem, it simply means that we are being proactive. Consulting, a counsellor or a child psychologist about these concerns, can offer clarity and direction.
Remember, the goal here is to not make every child behave the same, but to embrace each quality and understand what they like, who they are, and to meet their needs. “Bad” behaviour for us can simply be a signal or a request for support. The goal is to notice unusual or any new behaviour and seek help if needed.
Let’s help you and your child feel safe, seen, and supported exactly as they are.
Email us reachout@kidable.in or Call us +91-9266688705
